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Confessions of a Cocktail Waitress

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Oct
15th
Sat
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The argument for Autograt (automatic added 20 percent gratuity)

Automatic gratuity has been a hot button topic in the service industry and on foodie (aka douchebag) blogs recently (Exhibit A http://ny.eater.com/tags/tipped-off)…recently I worked very briefly in a place that was so vehemently against auto gratting, they refused to even add the standard twenty percent to bottle service.  So the waitress could sell 6 bottles to some jerk who could choose to tip her 20 dollars…and she would continue to be taxed on her sales…clearly these people could care less about their staff.

HOWEVER, the automatic gratuity also looks out for YOU the customer who is a shit tipper.  As a bartender you have a limited amount of time to make as many drinks as possible, any customer who doesn’t tip you properly is in fact a waste of your time, especially these days when a percentage of sales is declared as tips and taxed, so if you tip poorly or not at all on your first round the bartender has in fact lost money serving you, thus you are likely to not get served again.   Autograt doesn’t give you or your bartender that option.  You can tip twenty percent  against your will and poor taste and receive fast and polite service for the rest of the night.  Autorgrat also prevents stereotyping certain cultures as bad tippers (cough cough the French) so they get ignored from the get go.  With autograt all customers are created equal. 

Aug
17th
Wed
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melissa:

Hello, it’s JADED STRIPPER GERBIL (via squeela)

melissa:

Hello, it’s JADED STRIPPER GERBIL (via squeela)

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directorscuts:

Sometimes I miss having a roommate.

I want a little piggie friend

Aug
12th
Fri
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hipsterpuppies:

for a “social anthropology experiment,” marcus will be attending the gathering of the puggalos
[via samantha r]

hipsterpuppies:

for a “social anthropology experiment,” marcus will be attending the gathering of the puggalos

[via samantha r]

Aug
7th
Sun
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brooksbuford:

Prehhhh shhuusssssss

Seriously, I got nothing.

brooksbuford:

Prehhhh shhuusssssss

Seriously, I got nothing.

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directorscuts:

A little over a year ago I had a pig sniffing my butt. I do miss the little guy. (Who’s not so little anymore, hence his moving to a farm in upstate NY where he’s very happy.)

This isn’t going to stop.  NYC shuts down in August anyway, everyone’s in the Hamptons so I have nothing to report…cept for my little crush. 

directorscuts:

A little over a year ago I had a pig sniffing my butt. I do miss the little guy. (Who’s not so little anymore, hence his moving to a farm in upstate NY where he’s very happy.)

This isn’t going to stop.  NYC shuts down in August anyway, everyone’s in the Hamptons so I have nothing to report…cept for my little crush. 

Jul
12th
Tue
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On gifts

Only accept them if you don’t need them.  DO NOT EVER LET ANYONE PAY YOUR RENT, cause than they own you.  Gifts are luxuries not accessories, that way if they try to leverage them you can say “Fuck you, I don’t need these shoes/plane tickets/dresses.  You can have them back then.”

I have been given vacations, shoes, spa treatments, phones, shopping sprees and I’ve never felt that I owed anyone anything in return. A gift is just that, something given freely, without anything required or expected in return.  A gift is something fun and frivolous you wouldn’t usually buy for yourself.  A gift is not your rent.  That is a paycheck for services rendered. 

Jul
7th
Thu
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directorscuts:

Hog Heaven: here’s Pennington and his BFF Duke on the farm in upstate NY. He was always so friendly and social and I’m glad he has another piggie to pal around with.  Apparently they are inseparable.   I think it’s good he lived in Hollywood for a while so if he ever meets anyone famous he can be all aloof and nonchalant about it. 

directorscuts:

Hog Heaven: here’s Pennington and his BFF Duke on the farm in upstate NY. He was always so friendly and social and I’m glad he has another piggie to pal around with.  Apparently they are inseparable.   I think it’s good he lived in Hollywood for a while so if he ever meets anyone famous he can be all aloof and nonchalant about it. 

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My weird crush on Eli Roth.

It’s not that weird. He’s brilliant…and hot and funny, and a weirdo…which I find intriguing and sexy, and just enough older than me to work out my Daddy issues, but not so much that it would be gross. 

I’ve started following him on this thing…feeling mildly stalkerish.  Don’t care.

Jun
29th
Wed
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I need this in my life.  Now.

I need this in my life.  Now.

(Source: lidsterrr)