3rd
“The Professional Partier” Or “I’m friends with…”
People seem to get off on exclusivity, or at least the illusion of it. In my previous life I was at dinner with a client at one of those restaurants above a club, and we were going to the club downstairs (so I could make him buy a bottle and get commission). He refused to go unless he could go through the back VIP entrance. He kept insisting adamantly that he was VIP, and thus he would only use that entrance. The back VIP entrance had been closed for quite some time. This wasn’t about where he was to be seated for the entire night. This was entirely about his three seconds of walking in. I shouldn’t have been shocked having had to deal with his colossal ego for sometime, but I was. I can only imagine the shriveled, tiny penis that it overcompensates for. Everyone always wants to be where they think they aren’t allowed. Every night in my current job self proclaimed socialites are trying to get into the back rooms. They seem to think there is a secret party room filled with models and celebrities drinking free Krug and blowing lines down there. In reality what is down there are offices, liquor storage, and boxes of napkins and candle votives, none of which are hiding Kate Moss. These same people are the ones who come up expecting a free drink because they are friends with one of the owners.
“That’s fifteen dollars, sir.”
“Oh, but I’m friends with Redacted.”
“Really! So am I! Why don’t we text him? What’s your name again? Better yet, why don’t we go to his house and steal his flat screen? Cause it sounds like you are such good friends with him that you are allowed to steal from his business, so why not his home too?”
PS-Just because you did coke in the bathroom with an owner of a club at some point doesn’t mean you are friends with said owner. Do you know how many people have done coke in bathrooms with these guys over the years? They don’t know your name.
In the end the self proclaimed socialite and the bottle client who threw a fit about which door he was gonna walk through are exactly the same. They were both geeks in high school who are spending their adult lives desperately fighting for a seat at the cool table in their respective cafeterias. Nevermind that graduation was a long time ago.
